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An exploration of friendship

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Gender And Sexuality Education Philosophy with Children Reflections on Pedagogy

13-15y Age Group

RHEA KUTHOORE

Oct 10, 2021 · 5 min read

“When we see love as the will to nurture one’s own or another’s spiritual growth, revealed through acts of care, respect, knowing, and assuming responsibility, the foundation of all love in our life is the same. There is no special love exclusively reserved for romantic partners. Genuine love is the foundation of our engagement with ourselves, with family, with friends, with partners, with everyone we choose to love. While we will necessarily behave differently depending on the nature of a relationship, or have varying degrees of commitment, the values that inform our behavior, when rooted in a love ethic, are always the same for any interaction.” — Bell Hooks from All about love

During the extended lockdowns, many children expressed their desire to meet friends and to be back in their hostels — a room for permanent sleepovers. In boarding schools, where children are away from their parents, friendships become all the more central to living happily. Friendship and love, I believe, are essential for a fulfilling life. My friends support me during difficult times, challenge my perceptions, help me understand myself better, tell me when I am in the wrong, forgive me for my mistakes, make me laugh till my stomach hurts and cry till my eyes swell. They see me for who I am and care for our mutual growth.

Friendships, however, are not easy or simple. They make us feel vulnerable, they transform as we change and sometimes even break, causing immense heart ache. The focus of this class was to explore the meaning that friendship takes for each one of us and to also understand the values of a ‘good’ friendship.
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Class Activity

We began class with the following thought experiment: You are on a sinking ship and have found a way to rescue yourself! You can take with you one of the following three items — your favorite book, your favorite game or a friend. In all cases, there is no other copy of the book, game or friend and hence, cannot be replaced once lost in the ship. What would you do and why?

Responses from students:

I would save my friend because my friend changes with time and I would not like to be alone’

‘I would save my friend because I can express my feelings to my friend’

‘I would save my friend because my friend is irreplaceable, is not boring, is helpful and will reciprocate my feelings’

‘I would save my friend because when I feel lonely I can share my feelings with a friend’
‘I would save my friend because my friend is a life, a person. I would also save my friend because I fear death’

‘I would save my friend because a friend is someone I can relate to’

‘I would save my friend because I love them’

‘I would save my friend because they give me happiness’

After listening to the varying reasons, we began to discuss, ‘what makes a good friend?’
‘Friendship, for me, involves doing things together. It does not depend on the time we spend together. It also involves fights and disagreements. It is through fights and disagreements that we begin to understand each other, learn each others perspective, learn to compromise and build bridges. When we get over our fights, we also learn to overcome hurt and forgive each other’

Response from another student: But is it necessary that the bridge will get stronger? Can it not get clumsier as well, like when friendships break?

‘Friendships are about feeling vulnerable’

‘Friendships are about sharing’

‘For me, friendships are dependent on honesty and trust. I also get along with people who are funny and active.’

‘For me, I think a valuable friendship will have disagreements. There will be honesty in the friendship as well. I think friends also annoy each other. A friendship where there is kindness all the time is a boring one. In friendships, we confront all kinds of emotions. We see the different faces our friend can have. We pull pranks’

Response from another student: ‘I have honestly always been close to people who also annoy me’

‘I think a true friendship is when people are really trying to know and understand each other. It will be one in which there is honesty, acceptance and compromise as well’

‘I think a friendship requires people to forgive each other, to be non-judgemental, brave, honest and happy’

‘I feel like age has never been very important to me in friendships. I care about how my friend treats other people, their views and if they respect other people’

One student had said, ‘I move on from friends very quickly.’

Why so?

‘Situations have changed or I have changed.’
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These responses led us to think about why and how friendships break. We spoke about the delicate balance between ‘holding on’ and ‘letting go’ as well as between bonds that are held together because of the characters of the people involved and those that are held together because of shared time, space and memories. We reflected on our experiences and wondered about when, how and why we let go of certain friendships.

Through the course of this class I understood the different ways in which children perceive friendship and experienced the value in giving children space to think more deeply about their relationships with one another.

To explore more ideas on friendship, you may take a look at Aristotle’s categories of friendship, Whyte’s ideas on friendship and forgiveness and explore the relationship between friendship and selflessness.

RHEA KUTHOORE is an educator who is passionate about facilitating philosophical and feminist thinking amongst young students.

Thinking Rhizomatically

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