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An exploration of our fear of death

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Gender And Sexuality Education Philosophy with Children Reflections on Pedagogy

13-15y Age Group

RHEA KUTHOORE

Oct 10, 2021 · 7 min read

“Once you learn how to die, you learn
how to live”

- Tuesdays with Morrie

Death, the only absolutely certain event of our lives, fills our minds with doubt. We ponder about it, we fear it, we worry about it, we escape it and we embrace it. We witness it in our lives, in one way or another, from a very young age. During my time at Sholai, many of us mourned the loss of a puppy on campus. For a few of the children, it was their first experience of loss because of the death of a loved one.

Despite its constant presence, many of us find ways to avoid conversing about death with children. What about ‘learning how to die’ then? Is it something that we, as educators, must initiate in our dialogue with children?

In light of the pandemic, death became even more real in everyone’s lives. For many children, their interaction with mathematics was through the increasing number of deaths being witnessed around the world. In several ways, the pandemic reminded us of our responsibilities towards our planet and our children. What ran through my mind was: How can I be mindful of what the children are feeling during the pandemic? What are they trying to wrap their heads around? What are their fears? How can we make the learning in our class less indifferent to what is happening in the world? How am I creating opportunities for children to learn about themselves?

Class plan

My reflections, questions and interactions with the children gave rise to a couple of philosophy (p4c) classes that were dedicated to having a dialogue about complex, open and relevant questions linked to life and death.

We read Aubade by Philip Larkin along with a quote by Dumbledore from Harry Potter and a quote from Japanese Zen Philosophy. Our guiding questions for the discussion were:

Do I fear death?
Why do I fear death?
How do I face or confront my fear of death?

At the beginning, much of our time was spent on interpreting the poem together. it was insightful to hear different interpretations as it helped us develop our poetic knowledge and unpack the layers of meaning. We discovered different ways of percieving death.

Aubade

By Philip Larken

I work all day, and get half-drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain-edges will grow light.
Till then I see what’s really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,

-

Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.

-

The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
—The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused—nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never;
But at the total emptiness for ever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.

-
This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast moth-eaten musical brocade

-

Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says No rational being
Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing
That this is what we fear—no sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anaesthetic from which none come round.

-

And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision.
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace-fear when we are caught without.

-
‍
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.

-

Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can’t escape,
Yet can’t accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring.

-

Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.

-

Work has to be done.
‍
Postmen like doctors go from house to house.

Click to open the poem with its analysis

From Dumbledore

You are the true master of death, because the true master does not seek to run away from death. He accepts that he must die, and understands that there are far, far worse things in the living world than dying. To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.

From Japanese Zen philosophy

In Japanese Zen, the term shoji translates as “birth-death.” There is no
separation between life and death other than a small hyphen, a thin line
that connects the two.We cannot be truly alive without maintaining an awareness of death.

Death is not waiting for us at the end of a long road. Death is always with us, in the marrow of every passing moment. She is the secret teacher hiding in plain sight. She helps us to discover what matters most.

Discussion

One child was interested in exploring why we have a certain conception of death. She said, ‘how are we so sure that death is a state of oblivion? Isn’t our fear of the unknown and the uncertainty of what comes after death part of our fear of death? Why do we label death as the end and the loss of everything you love when we have no clue whether this is true? Moreover, I do not agree with the poem when it says that ‘no tricks dispel’ as I feel as though acceptance is my trick. It helps me make the most of my present.’

Another child approached the question of death through a metaphor. He claimed that, ‘Death is a cliff. When you fall, you fall into an abyss which has no floor. You keep falling. To humanity, you fade. All memories lost. Your true self falling helplessly. I am more afraid of losing people who are close to me.’

As we went around in a circle and heard each other, we realised how our feelings varied. For one child, death seemed like the next adventure and he did not fear it. In response, one child thought out loud, ‘Don’t we fear things that we have felt or heard? I do not think that courage is useful in the case of death.’

Through our conversation, we took note of the reasons behind our fear of death. We are afraid because we do not know what comes next. We are afraid because death brings the 'sure extinction' of others. We are afraid because death reveals how fragile and unexpected our lives are. We are afraid because we realise that our lives are transient and that we may be forgotten. We are afraid to leave many things undone.

Furthermore, we discussed how we confront our fear of death. One way of grappling with our limited time on this planet is by making conscious decisions regarding how we live. For example, I may choose to spend time with a friend and make the most of our interactions because we may not be with each other someday.

Reflection

Through the course of these classes, I thought more about the sacrifices we make to reduce our own suffering and evade death. From our investment in medical research to our quest for another habitable planet; how much of our society is built around our fear of death? Is our will to survive, as humans, somehow different from the will of other organisms around us?

Although we reached no conclusions, we began a process of deliberation. Hopefully, these classes give children a space to understand their fears better -- the ways in which it may play out in their life (in the form of angst, despair, worries and stress) and some of the ways in which they can confront it as well.

RHEA KUTHOORE is an educator who is passionate about facilitating philosophical and feminist thinking amongst young people.

Thinking Rhizomatically

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